The Lost Art of Listening

Nothing hurts more than the sense that the people we care about aren’t really listening. We never outgrow the need to have our feelings known. That’s why a sympathetic ear is such a powerful force in human relationships—and why the failure to be understood is so painful. My ideas about listening have been sharpened by thirty-five years as a psychoanalyst and family therapist. Refereeing arguments between intimate partners, coaching parents to communicate with their children, and struggling myself to sustain empathy as my patients faced their demons has led me to the conclusion that much of the conflict in our lives can be explained by one simple fact: people don’t really listen to each other.

Talking without listening is like snipping an electrical cord in half and hoping that somehow something will light up. Most of the time, of course, we don’t deliberately set out to break the connection. In fact, we’re often baffled and dismayed by feeling left in the dark. Download the book.